Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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