I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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