i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
