Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
