You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
