His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my shit smells like andre
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
