went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
