hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
