Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
