The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
