I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
