She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We just shotgunned beers for America
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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