bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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