I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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