im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize