i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
