This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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