U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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