Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize