The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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