I hope mine doesn't look like that
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Randomize
