i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
