Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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