Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I am mentally ready for anal.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
