next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize