I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
