He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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