He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Send help, water and tortillas.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
