Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
