How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
