why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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