I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Your penis caused this!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
