I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
