please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
