cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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