At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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