Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
