I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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