Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
