Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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