I just pynch a tree in the face
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize