We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
