I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My cat gives me a boner
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
