Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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