I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
