I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
