hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
