yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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