i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
