U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
