Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
