I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
