Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
