His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
