try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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