you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
