Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
