If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
