I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
