i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
