I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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