Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
