So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
