just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
