i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
