Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
