so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Randomize
