first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
