so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
