3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I am one with the molecules
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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