I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Hippo gnu deer
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
