Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
