Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
